untitled

By December 23, 2003updates

Herb & Hanson are playing a benefit concert this coming Saturday the 27th of December. They will be assisting in the promotion of eraser conservation by raising funds through donations for the radically reputed Eraser Conservancy Coalition.

The ECC back many volunteer groups around the nation that protest the wanton use of erasers out in front of various office buildings while rummaging for carelessly discarded erasers through the garbage bins in the back. Although the ECC is well known for these many peaceful forms of protest and conservation, they are even more renown for various acts of force that border on terrorism. They have been loosely tied to countless acts of mailbox bashings and flaming bags of dog poo on doorsteps around the country.

Henry Turwilliger of Din Widdie, Virginia has had to discard a slipper that he has been wearing comfortably for three-and-a-half years as a result of one such act. “I heard the door bell ring, so I got up to answer it. I was expecting a pizza, you see? But it wasn’t the pizza guy”, says Turwilliger in between sobs. But he wasn’t the only victim in this instance. “My wife”, says Turwilliger “was cowering in the corner of our living room, crying and screaming, ‘Why us? Why us?’ over and over. I rushed over to her to comfort her, totally forgetting that I was still wearing my ruined slipper. And when she saw the trail I made on the living room carpet, she completely lost it.”

Turwilliger was assuming that it was just neighborhood kids that defiled his doorstep when federal agents showed up to his house and caused him to think that maybe it was something more syndicated. “I told them that I thought that it was some punk teenagers [that] did it. But when they asked me if the ECC could have done it I told them, well…yeah! I suppose anyone could have.”

Although the executive staff at ECC headquarters has denied any and all accusations made towards them of such violent and destructive acts, they are still under close observation by federal operatives.

Herb & Hanson performing at the upcoming benefit show further backs rumors of their strong ties to the radical sect of the ECC. When questioned about the Turwilliger case, Hanson (one-half of the Steel String Stallions) responded, “Yeah…that poor guy. When I heard about the incident, I went out and bought him a new slipper and mailed it to him. I just hope it fits him all right.” Turwilliger has yet to receive any slipper in the mail.

Herb (the other half of the Death Defying Duo) was questioned about the Din Widdie doorstep. His response was a little bit more suspicious. “Snap! That had nothin’ do with erasers, yo! Bustin’ on the ECC like that is straight whack, B! Those pranks’re all about [expletive] and giggles, G!” The slang in Herb’s response is still under investigation by linguists and code breakers alike back in Washington.

The ECC benefit show to be taking place this Saturday, December 27 at Brion’s Grille in Fairfax, Virginia located at 10621 Braddock Rd. in the University Mall will be under tight surveillance. Federal agents expect something big to go down by 21:30 hours (9:30pm) and will have the phone line (703-352-7272) tapped to scan for any information that may be of concern.

hanson

About hanson

Leave a Reply