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Nighttime Naps Could Get You Eaten By Raccoons

By October 20, 2010hanson says this

This morning I was awoken by my phone very, very early. It was Amanda (love you Sweedee) calling because she had to get up and move the car so as to not get her 20th ticket this year for stupid street cleaning regulations. Apparently, she thinks that when we are apart I get up at ungodly hours and start being productive or something. Like the double digit calling rule doesn’t even exist. That’s sweet of her to think. And a lot of days it’s true. But it wasn’t true on this particular Tuesday morning in October. I was still sleeping and dreaming about dolphins in bikinis handing out candy corn on Halloween….But that’s a topic for a different day.

But I of course answered the call and we talked for all of 5 minutes before she went back to bed. But by now I was all awake and alert and stuff. Well kind of anyway. So I heated up some coffee grounds and started my day. The day was fine. But around 9pm I started feeling pretty tired as I was watching baseball on tv. And then I fell asleep. It would have been pretty awesome to sleep through the night. But that didn’t happen. I woke up at 11:45. Fresh as a daisy and ready to attack the day. Er…night.

The first few hours went great. I had a snack. Crackers and cheese. Not too shabby. I responded to about 20 emails that clogged up my inbox today when people I don’t know couldn’t figure out the difference between “reply” and “reply to all”. I figured those folks maybe wanted to make new friends via email so I took the time to reply to all of them and introduce myself and thank them for the electronic communication. I hate when’ people reply to all to some random crappy list mail. Gah!

Then I tooled around on the internet looking for things that are funny. I found this: Why did the rapper carry around an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle. That’s funny.

Then I decided to check out what was on on the ol’ television. This just in: TV sucks. 300 channels. Nothing but cats. (Random Simpson’s reference) Seriously, I could not find a single interesting/entertaining program on television at 2:30 in the morning. That didn’t really make sense to me. Especially this day and age when there are so many people out of work and staying up late because they don’t have to wake up for work tomorrow. That’s a pretty big ratings demographic these days. Those slick TV organizers should rethink their strategy of playing nothing but Law & Order reruns all night. Put a little more effort into their choices of programming, you know.

So I gave up on TV and started working on some songs that have been in the works for a while. And in the silence, I heard some strange noises out in the backyard. It was pretty obvious that at this hour I was the protector of the domicile, so I decided it was my job…no, my DUTY, to check it out. My first thought was that it was a raccoon or two. I opened the door and stepped outside and didn’t see anything suspicious. Then I reasoned that this was most likely the animals’ plan all along. Draw me outside with strange noises and then hide and wait for me to exit and then launch a full force attack on me starting by eating out my eyes and quickly moving to removing my arms leaving me completely defenseless against their will to remove my organs with their freaky human like hands and have an all night feast while congratulating themselves at their awesome plans to get my organs in the first place. So I went back inside before they could get the ball rollin’ on that one. Dodged a bullet there.

And that event led me to think that I was starting to get tired again and I went to bed. After writing this of course. Goodnight.

Edit: I noticed the time posted up top there and wanted to let you all know that it is not correct. It must be on greenwich mean time or something.


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