No no no… The special lady friend and I aren’t tying the knot. I repeat, I am not getting married. But I did just receive word from ol’ Judge Smith in Fairfax County that my petition to officiate my friend Mike’s wedding has been approved. So next month I will bring him and his beautiful fiance together forever. And it only cost 500 dollars. Good ol’ government.
Now I have to decide what to say during the ceremony. The gravity and importance of the situation is just now showing itself to me. The things I say during this celebration will be forever etched into the minds of the participants and it really could make or break their marriage. Should I go with the “religious lovey dovey” stuff? Should I go with the “marriage is a dead institution but you guys can make it work” route? Or how about the humorous route? Oh. You thought the dead institution thing was the humorous route? I guess I need to find some more options then.
But seriously, I am honored that they asked me to perform such a duty. It’s one of those things that never even crossed my mind as something I would do in life. And depending on how this one works out, maybe some of you folks out there will want me to perform your weddings. I’ll put an ad in the phonebook. It’ll be under Rockintastic-Weddings-R-Us.